Vampires will never hurt you

2007-11-14T06:28:00.002-08:00

okay.how should i start.i did something really stupid today.guess i was thinking too much and uhh somehow my fingers and my head werent thinking in the same line and uhh did something wrong.well it wasnt intentional.its not anything criminal but i just dont wanna say it out in case someone is reading and finds out how i feel.but most probably no one will ever find out.i think.

2007-11-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

well.i feel better today.no more stressful nights trying to cramp all the freaking facts into my head.my head feels so much lighter now.but still.there're other things to worry about.although i try my best to forget about everything else besides having fun.still i dont feel anything.i mean.i dont feel any joy or whatsoever bullshit that im supposed to be feeling.its supposed to be a happy feeling but all i feel is anxiety.and i dont know why.i just wanna be alone but yet not alone.its like so damn contradicting.but thats kinda me.i mean.im like that.and veryone knows that.im fickle minded and indecisive and everything you dont want in a person.im so uncommitting that sometimes im afraid of myself.i need change every now and then yet im not ready to accept the change.its not good.i need to learn to adapt, to grow up,to be responsible and to become someone better.i really do.but sometimes i just cant.to be honest, there's not a time where i can finally let go and be myself.im so afraid of this world that i just cant let go.sometimes i hate myself.other times i hate people around me, for allowing me to become who i am.but its not their fault and i know that.but i need something to put the blame on.i cant put the blame on myself cos its just too much to bear.i might break down one day.maybe i already have.im starting to think maybe i have the bipolar thing.i get mood swings easily.sometimes im high sometimes i just feel like crying and screaming and stabbing someone to death.i know its not a good feeling and i know that its not normal but i guess thats just me.please dont be afraid of me.although i guess many will if they discover thaat about me.i used to have a friend.who will stand by me.but now i dont know where he is.not literally of course but yeah.hes just like,poof and gone.its really hard for me to find someone who i will actually listen to.but now that hes "gone", i dont know who else i can listen to.its like, so near yet so far.i see your screen name everyday, have your number in my phone, but where are you.
And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands...
And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood...
And as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes
And in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes
I mean this
Forever.

WE'RE EMPTY

2007-11-09T09:26:00.000-08:00

feeling kinda emo right now.i dont know why.actually i do.cos im thinking too much.too much for my own good anyway.sometimes i feel that my brain is just redundant.wouldnt it be great if im born with like only one quarter of my brain?that would be so cool.i'll be so dumb and stupid i cant think.but its not like im not dumb and stupid now.if im smart enough then i wouldnt be thinking so much.im thinking about things which nobody knows.at least no one except myself.so putting it online is like a bloody risky thing to do but its not like im gonna reveal this page to anyone so here it is.if you just happen to come by, do comment or something.yeah.
anyway my day sucked.because i was thinking.way too much.thinking too much about a guy isnt good.especially if hes someone who used to care, who used to be a friend, who used to be so nice.i mean hes still nice now, but it just feels different.i hate to lose a friend.a really really good friend.and somehow i know its a little of my fault that we drifted apart.yeah we're friends and people know that but no one knows about the crush part.perhaps its already a little more than a crush.i know its like to have a crush on someone.its not serious.its just a crush.but somehow something tells me this isnt a crush.its like.so much more.although i know and im convinced that nothing good will ever come out if theres ever a possibility of a relationship, sometimes i still think about it.see, im thinking too much again.i like him.alot.i think.hes different.but now i guess hes just grown to be like any other guy.or perhaps i just never noticed it before?nah i dont think so.it must be the change.people change.like the seasons, they come and go.i really really dont wanna lose a friend.but i guess he just doesnt want to be my friend anymore.its not like i didnt try.i did.i really did.but our conversation never goes over half an hour.it used to be so fun, so looking forward to being online.but now i see the screename and do nothing.i know nothing about you now.but at least i know i tried.to preserve the friendship.relationship wise,i never thought of going anywhere although i want to.just because i like you too much, i cant risk being so close.friends are good enough.i dont ask for too much.but it seems like you wouldnt even give me that little bit of contentment.
feels so much better now.love the song EMPTY-THECLICKFIVE.totally speaks.
tried to take a picture of love
didnt think i miss her
that much
i wanna fill this new frame
but its empty
tried to write a letter
in ink
its been getting better
i think
i got a piece of paper
but its empty
its empty
maybe we're trying, trying too hard
maybe we're torn apart
maybe the timing is beating our hearts
we're empty
and i even wonder
if we
should be getting under these sheets
we could lie in this bed
but its empty
its empty
im supposed to be having a crush on someone else.but seems like another crush aint enough to make me forget.and i dont want to forget.